I opened my eyes slowly, hoping, almost praying to whoever it is that may be up there, that I would be at home in my own bed. But of course, the world has never been on my side, and apparently whatever being runs the world isn’t either. I fell asleep last night already thinking of ways to fix it, my mind swimming with unrealistic solutions to the massive problem I had just created. I fell asleep expecting to wake up in the morning somehow knowing exactly how to repair the heart I know I have broken, the family that will be torn apart, and wondering if I’ll have to rebuild the reputation that I’ve worked so hard to build for myself at the office. So many things ruined all for selfish desires. Or perhaps, I hoped to wake up and realize that it was all a just a sick dream. I would never do something like this. I’m a good person. I love my husband. But it seems I’m just as cruel as the world is to me. Another man, lies beside me in bed. My blood runs cold. My stomach turns as hazy memories from the night before flood my aching head. I think I’m going to be sick. I sit up as quietly as I can and gather my clothes. I can’t hold back the tears that immediately fall when the car door closes. As I pull out of the driveway onto an unfamiliar street, I realize at 9:30 a.m., that after 5 hours of sleep, enough tears to fill a swimming pool, and two broken hearts, I am no closer to knowing how to piece my shattered relationship back together.
Madalyn Robbins